Topic: LTheGamer reviews (WARNING: Not for Children; Contains cursing)  (Read 475 times)

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Offline Light

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« on: July 01, 2013, 05:53:25 PM »
I Wanna Be The Guy

Welcome everyone for another review on a [Confused look]....wait [Realization]....this is my first f*cking review [Smiles] hahahaha, oh my god this sh*t is gonna suck

[Normal Look] Ok, this is a game, it's on the computer, you know what it is called, but [points at camera] I'm gonna tell you anyway, it's called I Wanna Be The Guy

[Shows game] Yeah, I wanna...be...the guy [shakes head], um wait, actually it's called I Wanna Be the Guy the movie the [confused tone] game...whatever

[Normal tone] alright, difficulties, normal, hard, very hard, and impossible.....ok let's get serious about this shit, enough trying to act like the angry video game nerd, time to act like A real f*cking nerd

Ok, I wanna be the guy is basically a PC game that was created as a tribute to Various video games, such as the legend of Zelda, mike Tyson's punch out, street fighter 2, and Tetris, and believe it or not, these characters are in fact in the game, and much of the time, they are trying to kill you, wow

The game's story is this kid called...the kid....and he is on a quest to kill this a$$hole called the guy, who killed his grandfather, and it's written in Zelda text, f*cking brilliant

The game begins with you in this weird elevator looking room, now there are three paths, one to the left, one above, and one below, and I recommend taking the one above because it is the easiest, well, kind of

Ok, lets start [walks into apple trap and dies].....what the fuck, let me try that again [happens again] [wide eyes] wow, so that's how it works, you die instantly, and obstacles are all triggered, that is just...[turns head and ignores it] damn...

Not only is that shit just atrocious, but the controls are awful, seriously, unless you play it, you would never understand it, for one, shift is jump, left and right arrows are left and right, r is restart, q is suicide [sarcastic laugh] yeah q is suicide, f*cking hilarious [normal tone] moving on, z is shoot, and believe it or not [looks at camera], you barely use the gun, you got only 14 encounters where you use the gun on something other than save states, which is absolutely disappointing to know, like why would there not be more parts with the gun, I don't understand it [shakes head]

Moving along, we are about to fight Mike Tyson, yeah, now how does he work, well basically you need to outrun his attacks, and shoot him when his mouth is ready for some head, after he is nicked down 3 times he dies, next you need to drop through the clouds and land in water after that [moon falls in game] oh shit, what the fuck, the moon is falling, oh f*ck it is following me [finds safe spot] oh, thank god that's over [relieved]

The next part has to do with Legend of Zelda, you got to double jump, which is your secondary jump [demonstrates an example of it] over link at two spots, once done you encounter the Ghosts and Goblins area, by the way, the game flips you off, yeah just wanted you to know that

Next a child molesting hand tries to kill you, and you go through this corridor of bullsh*t, as spikes keep going up and down and it's f*cking irritating [exhausted tone] god damn [nornal tone], after that you soon encounter Mecha-birdo, who shoots metal eggs at you and shy guys, wow, f*ck

After that, you then fight some robots and encounter Ryu from street fighter, dodge him like you dodged your girlfriends ovulation season, and then you fight Dracula from symphony of the night, who randomly does his attacks in a random fucking order [shake head]

After you kill him, you are back at the first screen, now you want to take the left path, here you find a room that teleports you to the area after you beat a specific boss, how, well you jump into their picture [wow look] wow, like Mario 64

Next you got to go through this shy guy that used this laser gun that shoots at your a$$, after that you got a Tetris room, and next you're off in Kirby land, which a spike wall follows you to the end, while shooting apples at you, wow, the guy who made this was smoking some sh*t

After that and a series of jumps, you encounter Kraidgief, who has two phases, the first is just a series of dodging his attack, the second is jump on these green hulk creatures and shoot at him......[laugh] or you could instead press K and kill him instantly, what a Pussy hahaha

[Normal Tone] well back to the game, next you enter a Megaman area and you got to shoot at these retarded looking bugs, but, you next got two paths to take, one to the right and one down, I recommend the one down since its harder but you want to get it over with

The downward path begins with a series of jumps, eventually you encounter Mother Brain, the strategy here is to shoot at the spaghettios and the glass so you can get closer to mother brain till you finally [Kills mother brain], next you got to get the fuck out of the area before the time runs out

Next you will soon end up back in the first screen again, this time take the downward path, the reason why is, that it's a shortcut to the Megaman area again

Once back, you will notice that the Metroid area path is blow up, so you got to take the path to the right, dodge some lasers, and now you fight the koopa klown boss, who has three forms, the first is bowser who swings back and forth till you kill his a$$, the second is king frog who you got to dodge, then shoot the sh*t out of the bullet bill before it comes out, the third and final form is [Dr Whiley appears] [surprised look] what the f*ck, Dr. Whiley controls the koopa klown car, wow, and it is the hardest form, you got this ball that deflects your bullets, you have fire randomly popping up, and you got bombs thrown at you, wow, sh*t

Once you kill him, you soon end up in a room full of a sh*t ton of spikes, then you can move on to the final area

You first got to dodge lots of evil fish, them you fight the next boss, Yellow Devil, and his attack plattern is, is, I have not a f*cking clue, [frustrated look] just dodge him is all I can tell ya

Next you are in the fortress of the guy, and it has fire, wizards, a maze, a part with a plane that you shoot sh*t at, and finally you end up at the final boss, who is, the Guy of course, but, he is not only the guy, but, the kids father [astounded look], that's the biggest plot twist to a video game I have ever known

Ok, now the guy has two forms, the first is him shooting a bunch of bullets at you, just jump on the vines to Dodge his attacks, his second form is [Shows example] oh my god, it is one of the hardest video game bosses I have ever fought, first the floor is on fire, that's just great, next he shoots lasers at you out of his eyes, finally a bunch of enemies follow you, now to beat the guy, you got to shoot at both his eyes till they bleed and pop open three times, but once you do that, you beat the guy and gain a bigger gun

[excited and happy] yes finally yes, that was the hardest game I ever beaten so far, damn, it was kinda sh*tty of a game, but it still had its charm [apple falls at end] and I can understand why people like it [apple kills kid] and [noticed he died]

No, that's, that's, [Rage tone and look] that's f*cking bullsh*t, are you telling me that even in the end credits you can still die, I had enough of this sh*t, f*ck Kayin the creator, f*ck Multi Media Fusion 2, f*ck I wanna be the guy, and [points at camera] f*ck you for making play this sh*t, f*ck [leaves camera's point of view]
« Last Edit: July 01, 2013, 11:58:30 PM by The Scorpion King »

Offline Aether

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« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2013, 12:04:24 AM »
How interesting