Topic: Nostalgia Critic Style Reviews (Warning, not for children!)  (Read 781 times)

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Offline Light

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« on: February 08, 2013, 03:59:03 PM »
Hello I am the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have, Alright I am gonna talk about Twilight, oh God how I hate that piece of S*** of a movie, it was so bad I felt like watching the Room to regain my sanity, it is one of those films you which you could forget, but never would, oh how the world is cruel.

*Squeelz in terror*

Lets start the film, Bella, oh god how I hate this character, she is totaly nothing but a B****, you can tell in the first 10 minutes she is going to be *tone changes to aggravated* the most annoying character in the film, she ignores her father despite how much he tries, she suddenly falls in love with some guy who honestly would make even a teenage Steve Urkel look attractive, *deepened tone* all in the moment she gets to high school, *calms down* now I know what you are thinking, and no, these two are not the least bit emotional, *anger tone* because they are both horrible actors, the only difference is that Edward is somewhat more respectful, but not by much, *normal tone* alright back to the movie, later Bella is nearly struck by a car, what is hilarious about this scene is that no one notices Edward totally stopping that car, ultimately later Edward tells her he is a vampire, or rather quizes her to finding out *sarcastic tone* yeah movie you totally fooled us this whole time, it's not like the Red eyes, pale skin, or crappy acting didn't indicate that he is, in fact a Vampire, *normal tone* in the next scene we get to meet Edward's family, you can tell that they are a family by the similar lack of emotion, from the actors, yeah, but at least they are somewhat more believable then even Edward here, which again, isn't saying much.

Later that Day, Edward's family suddenly has the munchies for B****, so Edward tries to save her and stuff, and ultimately abandons her, which to be honest, is the only good thing in this movie, which sadly, disappears within 10 minutes, *rages* Bulls***! Bulls***! Bulls***!.

*gets back to normal* ok, let's proceed, so later in the movie, Bella is attacked by other vampires, *gets excited* YES KILL HER, SHE WILL ONLY CAUSE 3 CRAPPY SEQUELS, DO IT MEN, DO IT FOR YOUR ALLIES, SAVE OUR SANITY, Wait, why is Edward going back for her, *gets frustrated* NO! Leave her, she will only bring the end of Vampire Films as a whole, don't do it, *gets sad* Nooooo, it's not fair, it's not fair, ahhhhuhuh.

*depressed tone* at the end of the movie, Bella says she want's to be a Vampire, and ultimately Edward says, no, thank f***ing god, I am glad there won't be any more seq... wait why is she spying on them? *terrorfied tone* no please no, anything but that! No no no, ~Twilight New Moon Appears~ NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!, ~Shoots self in the head~

~Is revived~ so what did we learn? *Angered tone* we learned not to make a movie about F***ing sparkeling vampires!, I am the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2013, 04:12:55 PM by Kira »

Offline Nyran

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« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2013, 04:05:32 PM »
So, did he actually do a Twilight Review, or did you just write it in his general style? (You did a good job of replicating it, if so)

Offline Light

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« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2013, 04:09:27 PM »
So, did he actually do a Twilight Review, or did you just write it in his general style? (You did a good job of replicating it, if so)
Wrote it like if it was his style, I will be doing another Imitation Review tomorrow (one per day)

Glad you enjoyed ^_^

Offline Light

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« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2013, 06:22:35 AM »
2nd Review!!!!

Yugioh The Movie: The Pyramid of Light

Hello I am the Nostalgia critic, I remember it so you don't have to, well today let's talk about card games ~shows poker~ no not that card game, I am here to talk about the repetitive as s*** game, yugioh, ~crowd boos~ *annoyed tone* you all have no taste, seriously, even the pokemon card game is more innovative then this, and I don't even know how to play it

*normal tone* Well we are not really here to discuss the card game, but rather the show, or the anime, or the animated movie, or is it anime movie? I don't know, and frankly I don't give a s***, this is Yugioh, the Pyramid of Light.

~Opening Scene~ wait, why is there a gold case, seriously kid, that got's to be worth a lot of money, why don't you sell that thing? ~Guys entering tomb~ So it seems some treasure hunters are getting a mummy, seriously you think they look like archiologists? They are totally treasure hunters ~Yugi puts in last piece~ what the F*** is that thing on his head, wait why are there creatures ~Guys getting killed by mummy~ what the F***, how can a mummy be so strong, well then again ~The Mummy movie appears~, nevermind, well apparantly our kid here has unleashed the powers of hell, oh how adorable.

~Seto Kaiba vs Yugi~ wait, what is with those creatures, wait they are on the cards, ~card's form another monster~, wait wait wait, those are where those creatures come from, how impossible is that, seriously, how do cards form monsters? is there like a chip in them? explain to me, well Kaiba guy gets defeated by Yugi, and in the next scene he is going to meet the creator of the card game, ~pegasus appears~

Well after some chit-chat between these rich fellows, they have a duel ~toon monsters appear~, you got to be kidding me, that thing is threatening?, seriously it looks harmless.....~kills kaiba's monster~..........no comment.

Eventually Kaiba defeats Pegasus, somehow, I don't know how the game works, so give me a break, and eventually Kaiba steals some cards from Pegasus *annoyed tone* why are you even complaining guy, if you created this game, why not just make some more cards?

*normal tone* Yugi gets attacked by a crowd of fans who apparently want to duel him, *stupidfied tone* why? *normal tone* well apparently Yugi is the king of games, or rather just the Yugioh card game, wait a minute, Yugi Yugioh Yugi Yugioh, dead giveaway movie *angered tone* dead giveaway *normal tone*.

Yugi runs away like a pussy, and arrives in a museam, where his grandpa tells him everything ~after that scene~ *dissapointed tone* I got no words how boring and predictable that was, well, lets carry on *normal tone*

Later that day, Yugi is kidnapped by Kaiba and is forced to duel, *surprised tone* really? is no one gonna bother calling the cops, I mean I know it's just a card game, but is seriously no one is gonna call the cops, anybody? no *angered tone* then f*** this! ~Critic is punched back so he can continue the review~ I hate you *normal tone*

As the duel goes on, Yugi summons 3 powerful creatures, which Kaiba easily kills with one of the cards he stole, and suddenly Yugi falls on his knees, really Yugi, is losing that bad to you? It's just a card game, you can always claim your title again ~the eye appears~ *scared tone* AGHHH, it's Sauron! Never mind yugi you need to kick Kaibas a**

*normal tone* getting over that, Yugi continues to lose the duel, with Kaiba summoning more, and more monsters, while the other Yugi is fighting some mummies, when later ultimately Kaiba summons the other card he stole from Pegasus, and owns the living s*** out of Yugi, wow for some expert at this card game, he really sucks at it, well to Yugi's credit it was a card Kaiba stole.

Later on the other Yugi finds a tomb full of mummies, he and his friends fight them, and ultimately Yugi shatters the eye which kills the big mummy, with, get this, *rage tone* THE POWER OF MOTHERF***ING FRIENDSHIP!!! AGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~5 minutes later sign~ *normal tone* well, now that I am calmed down, let's continue

Well Ultimately our villain, known as anubis, *sarcastic tone* totally did not see that coming *normal tone* owns Kaiba easily, and takes control of the duel, pushing Yugi down to 100 Life points, which by a Miracle, Yugi draws the card he needs and defeats Anubis' creatures, saving the world ~anubis returns~ or not ~bashes head since Critic is frustrated that the movie is not yet over~

*angered tone* I can't really believe this, this S*** is still going, well whatever, Yugi summons the Shiny Blue Dragon Dildo and kills Anubis for good this time, Kaiba declares he will defeat Yugi which I doubt he will ever will since well face it, Yugi is the main character, and by god, Main character's never lose in a game, ever, I am the Nostalgia Critic, and I remember it so you don't have to!
« Last Edit: February 10, 2013, 07:40:22 PM by Kira »

Offline Star Magician

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« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2013, 09:59:22 AM »
I've only ever watched one video from That Guy with the Glasses. It was something about 90's kids commercials, and it was pretty funny xd

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Offline Halcyonic Legend

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« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2013, 06:41:54 PM »
lol this is awesome. Nice, Kira.

Offline Light

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« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2013, 07:45:27 PM »
lol this is awesome. Nice, Kira.
Glad you liked it, or them?

So what would to rate both of them seperatly out of 10?

Offline Light

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« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2013, 12:19:18 AM »
Next review will be up Friday, what is it? Well it's troll 2, haha